I once anticipated this day. I racked my brain. I imagined the expression. I pondered long. I wanted to make this day as memorable as it could be. Like how my special day was made extraordinary, I was eager to do reciprocate that feeling. I was ready to make things possible. Then I was left behind dangling with the tag, ‘you are needed no more’. I no longer have any business in this game.

I reckoned how anguishing this day would be. So agonising that I would literally scream for time to propel so that the next dawn could come earlier. Contrary to my initial thoughts, I didn’t even realize it was dix-neuf avril. Just like any other mercredi, my mind was preoccupied with many other matters perhaps more important and significant.

Only when I picked up the calendar to mark off dates for my business appointments, I noticed a little red asterisk above the number - dix-neuf. It didn’t register. I looked at it hard. What the fark is this? I squinted at it like I contracted progressive eyesight for the young. Probably like how William Tell’s son felt when the arrow went through the apple placed on his head, something sharp darted through my chest. I actually forgot about this day.

No, I wasn’t disappointed that my scatterbrain left out such ‘important information’. I was, in fact, surprised how unaffected and unresponsive I was. I sat there, slightly frowning at the calendar, trying to figure how best I should react to this forgetfulness. I smiled. Because when you suddenly strike to recall about a certain matter, it simply means you have forgotten clean about it. That’s what I want.

I went through dix-neuf avril ‘unscathed’; I guess as much that I will survive the rest of the days without that heavy burden any more. At least a major part of it is gone.

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