I'm not particularly the Grinch of Lunar New Year. However, folks who know me should know I usually couldn't care less about the crazy frenzy of wearing RED RED RED and MORE RED during Lunar New Year. I appreciate red, but not when the entire street has a hundred and one tomato-wannabes walking around as well.

But now, anticipating a potential (first) 'Meet-The-Folks' session, I drive myself crazy searching for decent non-black dresses.

Mission: Almost Impossible.

It goes against ALL the season's trends. It's Christmas! Every fashion-forward high-street boutique is piling up on black, grey and more BLACK clothes. Where are the colours when you need them?

It doesn't help when The Mother couldn't stop nagging about the black clothes taboo in most families. Like I didn't already know.

I could wait till after Christmas; stores usually stock up on more colourful clothes welcome the New Year cheer. Then again, the mental visual of blood red clothes swimming around in my mind drives me insane. Really. D R I V E S M E I N S A N E!

Then there's this freaking long list of trivia considerations on the clothes when meeting his parents:

1. Not too revealing NO REVEALING CLOTHES AT ALL (as advised by The Best Friend)
2. Not too gaudy
3. Not too dull (lest they think I'm one of the Stepford Wives)
4. Not too boring (crimps my style)
5. No jeans (at least that's what I think)
6. Can wear black stockings? (damn)
7. Do I have a matching clutch? (damn)
8. Wait, do I have to stay for dinner? Cos that'd be a whole different ball game dress (need to make more tummy space for food)
9. What do I say when I'm there?
10. WHAT DO I SAY WHEN I'M THERE???

I guess The Relatives used to find me odd and really unapproachable because I'd vehemently express my obvious dislike for Lunar New Year (very expressively on my face). Okay there, I admit: perhaps I'm really the grinch of CNY. What do I say to those adults who always seem to strange and distant to me? I have problems connecting with screaming tots. How do I handle adults a generation older? The Mother's different; she's still kid-like. Throwing random tantrums and all. After all, my only memory of CNY is gathering around the small 17-inch TV at my grandmother's little one-room flat with the rest of my 10-over relatives and eat bak gua quietly. The adults would make conversations while I chew on the oily bak gua, slowly blend into the background and wish I'd fade out completely forever. I nearly died of boredom.

Guys meeting my family would have so much an easier time. There's only The Mother. One parent. The Brother? He couldn't care less so he's not counted. See! Just ONE parent, without the whole load of siblings, aunties and uncles, grandmothers and dads. No frills. Easy-peasy. Why do I get the entire deal?

It's so unlike Christmas. I don't know why. Just thinking about it gives me a panic attack. (Nearly)

I'd have to make sure there're enough boxes of bak gua at his place for me to chew on. I think his parents would appreciate me for not biting my fingers or sucking my thumb for comfort instead.