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I laughed out uncontrollably till I had to wipe my tears away when Yann told me that his masseuse is known for virgina massage. He really has a way to make the most innocent statement and get people thinking the wrong way. But what he really wants to tell me is that his masseuse at Inizio is good with her hands.
I have been experiencing very bad shoulder aches and yesterday the pain was so bothersome that I felt like dropping down and lying on the floor for the entire day. And Yann being the kind soul that he is, told me to take up one full body massage session from his prepaid-package at Inizio. The mere mention of ginger-mandarin scrub and hot towel body wrap raised my eyebrows. It seems tempting but...
Spa salon in the middle of Bugis Village? The stairs next to the infamous sex shop? Are you KIDDING me?
Then again, the excruciating pain reminded me that the dubious location of the spa salon should be the least of my concern already. So went I did.
Mia, the very-recommended-by-Yann masseuse, is a petite lady with pretty bulky frame. She immediately put me at ease with her charming smile and friendly disposition. While the massage bed was being warmed, I was lead to the locker and changing room and was told to change into a disposable underwear. I unwrapped the package and couldn't help but furrow my brows. This looks more like paper G-string. Shoots, what are they going to do with my arse? A thousand thoughts ran through my head and I couldn't wait for the party to get started.
In my opinion the salon's interior isn't as luxurious as what it seems on pictures. Despite this, everything else is simple and clean. Most importantly the myriad of treatments is what keeps customers spoilt for choice. Plus the salon endorses Dermalogica, a tested-and-proved product which has won many critical acclaim.
My skin was already tingling with excitement and anticipation when I caught a whiff of the ginger-mandarin exfoliating scrub in Mia's white bowl. And very soon we made making small talk as she spread the scrub onto my body. Mia's so experienced that she could tell my marital status and my lifestyle just by looking at my body. Right. If I remember correctly, a woman's hips and arse tend to become bigger after being f***. I don't mean to be rude, but I think that's kinda true. -turns to stare at the arse of girl seated in front-
Anyway I digress.
It turns out that I have a bad sprain on my right shoulder. So Mia paid more attention to fixing the problem. She also found a load of other problems my body has: a uterus in a position lower than it should be and a bloated stomach. See I knew it. My bloated abdomen jeopardised my chance of having a flat tummy! I demostrated to Mia how I massaged my abdomen every night. She could only offer me an embarrassed smile and said, "Erm, this is wrong." and she gave me a few tips to rectify the problems.
No kidding! For the past three years I've been diligently massaging my body only to mess up the uterus, digestive tract, and stomach. This is grand...
After 20 minutes being wrapped and lying very still under a thick electronically-heated blanket, relaxed (and detoxed) as I was, I wished the room offers TV or more ear-pleasing music. Just as I was getting somewhat restless, Mia reappeared to prep me for the real deal - the full-body massage. She warmed the bed again as I showered to wash away the scrub. Feeling 100kgs lighter, I plunked my naked-self onto the massage bed and I had just one thought: if a massage bed has a face hole, then it only makes more sense to make boobs hole. Ain't I right? A full hour facing down coupled with the downward massaging force; my perky boobs will surely turn into flattened char siew baos! Definitely a thought worth pondering on.
Mia used to be a gym instructor in her younger days and thus knows a lot about sports injuries and the mechanics of the human body. Her strong and firm finger pressure put me at sublime ease. But as she was advancing to my inner thighs, an awkward thought came to my mind: is it rude to gas now?
With all that pressing and pushing of my abdomen and arse, I couldn't help if my bowels decided to let out a sigh of relief! Mia gently told me to relax my muscles. And there I was, rehearsing 101 ways to ask her for forgiveness if I ever did the unthinkable. Already at the back of my mind, I was acting like a drama queen. I just wished she'd hurry up and move on to my shoulders where the real problem lies. Instead, she fussed over my arse for another eternity like she knew exactly what's on my mind. It's as if she wouldn't let me off until she gets her schadenfreude.
But anyhoo, my arse was under total control. -smug smile-
The last time I walked around with nothing except a clean white towel was my days as a Fitness First member. I have absolutely no qualms stripping in front of my locker in the gym's changing room and strut around in the buff with 30-odd ladies who were more interested in putting on their make-up and fussing over their wet hair. But it's my first full body massage and very clearly I kept looking around for clues. So I shyly asked what's next. Mia simply giggled, "You can put on your clothes. No need to bathe because this oil is very expensive," and she pointed to the bottle of muscle-relaxant essential oil which she used on me for the massage. Right right. Thou shall not go near water for the next seven days.
I drank up the ginger tea while Mia advised me to lay off any strenuous exercise for the next few days and to see her again 10 days later. You bet I will!
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