Posted in c'est ma vie , le love
Somewhere in a women's magazine I've read, that fights are hallmarks which will define a still-fresh sparkly new relationship. Apparently they are necessary. You mature; you learn to compromise, be more understanding and accommodating toward your partner. Everyone grows two inches taller after each fight. Sounds like a good plan in an all ideal relationship-nurturing medium. Except, an escapist like me will run in the other direction, never to return to realise the goodness of 'compromise'.
I am a lousy girlfriend.
I don't remember the last time I got SQ gifts from my overseas trips. I refuse to give him a good shoulder rub when he's visibly tired. I don't make him coffee. I made him stay up late to play Bingo with me. I roll my eyes at almost everything he says. I like doing the opposite of everything he wants. If we ever go into a fight, it'd most probably be me not stroking his ego enough.
'You don't know the person until the shit goes down'
Don't remember who said that but I wasn't counting on having fights to get to 'know' SQ. I like it drama-less. Because I've got enough headaches in life. Why do I need another one? But if it is necessary, then it better be about life-changing stuff such as erm... his pay check, my shopaholic issue, my unforgiving displeasure of him wearing flip-flops, his utmost dislike of my mother's Cantonese herbal soups or my unreasonable demand of him to get me cheesecake at 10pm. Stuff like that, which might make sense to argue about.
We had a few spits and spats, but they were the silliest matters I'd never imagined. There was something about me not liking kids (somewhat not very true). Another about the hotel room we couldn't book for his birthday (very silly). And the other one about my ex.
Woah! The Ex. Yes, sensitive issue I've been always cautiously avoiding. But somehow we found ourselves treading on this thin line. I over-reacted. He raised his voice at me. And I hung up.
Hanging up the phone on someone is the very last thing I expect of myself. It's dang rude! But being the ultra escapist with a huge ego problem, I found myself incapable of handling conflicts with SQ. I could bang the table and demand results from my crew, throw sarcasm at unreasonable homo sapiens and bargain my way through every sticky situation (almost). Yet I find myself stumped and seemingly silly in the face of his agitation. The best I could do is to cry, empty the box of dark chocolate and go back to more crying.
Idiot's guide to conflicts: talk things out.
Friends know I'm damn good a mediator. But I actually suck at ironing out my own problems. A hundred and one thoughts bubbled up in my mind, but never quite linked up to what I really want to say. If there is one lesson I've learnt: I am rotten with explanation. Momentarily I wished I was born a natural linguist. Or something in the same vein. I was up against the ex-editor of some trashy newsletter of SMU who blabbers a long string of nouns and verbs which jumbles themselves up upon entering my brain. Not cool. And when given the quietus of an argument, I'd pick up my bag and bolt off. But not before cussing a few vulgarities.
We are still the same persons known to each other since two years ago. But one day we may find ourselves asking, "When you know me, I'm already like this. What's wrong?" SQ could say the same words many months back and they seemed hilarious. We mostly laughed it off. Fast forward to now, I could offended by the same statement. Have I over-reacted? Probably unknown to me, things have changed in the most small and gradual manner I have no idea of. When friends become lovers, is change inevitable? We do develop slightly different expectations of people who become our lovers. Furthermore, this relationship involves two great friends who become friends in love with each other.
How do I want to play this? Two great friends in love? Two lovers who share a great friendship? Or simply two persons in love? Would the difference between any of the above matter?
I've been dishing out relationship advices to friends, but now I'm in it, it's pretty bemusing. SQ said it's probably because I haven't been in a relationship for a long time. Perhaps. I could only think of me myself and Angie when shopping at H&M. I want to buy him a shirt. Then again I'd think that I could buy me-self another fabulous top with that same amount of money. I'm quite a selfish shite in that sense. It may reflect how I'd behave in other departments of life.
Maybe I should discuss this with my good friend SQ. He may be experiencing similar problems with his current squeeze, Angie. She's quite the bitch I heard.
I am a lousy girlfriend.
I don't remember the last time I got SQ gifts from my overseas trips. I refuse to give him a good shoulder rub when he's visibly tired. I don't make him coffee. I made him stay up late to play Bingo with me. I roll my eyes at almost everything he says. I like doing the opposite of everything he wants. If we ever go into a fight, it'd most probably be me not stroking his ego enough.
'You don't know the person until the shit goes down'
Don't remember who said that but I wasn't counting on having fights to get to 'know' SQ. I like it drama-less. Because I've got enough headaches in life. Why do I need another one? But if it is necessary, then it better be about life-changing stuff such as erm... his pay check, my shopaholic issue, my unforgiving displeasure of him wearing flip-flops, his utmost dislike of my mother's Cantonese herbal soups or my unreasonable demand of him to get me cheesecake at 10pm. Stuff like that, which might make sense to argue about.
We had a few spits and spats, but they were the silliest matters I'd never imagined. There was something about me not liking kids (somewhat not very true). Another about the hotel room we couldn't book for his birthday (very silly). And the other one about my ex.
Woah! The Ex. Yes, sensitive issue I've been always cautiously avoiding. But somehow we found ourselves treading on this thin line. I over-reacted. He raised his voice at me. And I hung up.
Hanging up the phone on someone is the very last thing I expect of myself. It's dang rude! But being the ultra escapist with a huge ego problem, I found myself incapable of handling conflicts with SQ. I could bang the table and demand results from my crew, throw sarcasm at unreasonable homo sapiens and bargain my way through every sticky situation (almost). Yet I find myself stumped and seemingly silly in the face of his agitation. The best I could do is to cry, empty the box of dark chocolate and go back to more crying.
Idiot's guide to conflicts: talk things out.
Friends know I'm damn good a mediator. But I actually suck at ironing out my own problems. A hundred and one thoughts bubbled up in my mind, but never quite linked up to what I really want to say. If there is one lesson I've learnt: I am rotten with explanation. Momentarily I wished I was born a natural linguist. Or something in the same vein. I was up against the ex-editor of some trashy newsletter of SMU who blabbers a long string of nouns and verbs which jumbles themselves up upon entering my brain. Not cool. And when given the quietus of an argument, I'd pick up my bag and bolt off. But not before cussing a few vulgarities.
We are still the same persons known to each other since two years ago. But one day we may find ourselves asking, "When you know me, I'm already like this. What's wrong?" SQ could say the same words many months back and they seemed hilarious. We mostly laughed it off. Fast forward to now, I could offended by the same statement. Have I over-reacted? Probably unknown to me, things have changed in the most small and gradual manner I have no idea of. When friends become lovers, is change inevitable? We do develop slightly different expectations of people who become our lovers. Furthermore, this relationship involves two great friends who become friends in love with each other.
How do I want to play this? Two great friends in love? Two lovers who share a great friendship? Or simply two persons in love? Would the difference between any of the above matter?
I've been dishing out relationship advices to friends, but now I'm in it, it's pretty bemusing. SQ said it's probably because I haven't been in a relationship for a long time. Perhaps. I could only think of me myself and Angie when shopping at H&M. I want to buy him a shirt. Then again I'd think that I could buy me-self another fabulous top with that same amount of money. I'm quite a selfish shite in that sense. It may reflect how I'd behave in other departments of life.
Maybe I should discuss this with my good friend SQ. He may be experiencing similar problems with his current squeeze, Angie. She's quite the bitch I heard.
*pat pat*
hard to differentiate the different roles huh?